Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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