Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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