he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
even my farts smell like vagina
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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