I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
pray to the hookup gods
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize