No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
