So drunk, too bad you don't want this
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
