you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
