My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
