In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize