apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
