my mouth tastes like poor choices
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
