I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
