I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
