Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize