he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
