11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
