He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
