i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
