I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
