I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
