you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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