It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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