Yo dont text me then not text me
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
How external is "for external use only"?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
