The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
