I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize