i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
