Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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