i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
