I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
