if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
