never play flip cup with pint glasses
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
