This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
