You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
