the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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