Tell her she can't have a vagina
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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