No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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