Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
