So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
