i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
