dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
