he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
