He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
There's even glitter on my cock...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
