the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
