You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
