fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
