Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
