you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
