i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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