Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
