A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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