she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
