very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
