according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
