What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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