Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
