I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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