At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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