We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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