i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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