Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
