I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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