I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
