My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
