wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
