I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
