It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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