I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
