this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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