It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
