She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
