Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
