I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
