So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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