he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
