We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
