a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize