She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
