We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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