Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
