i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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