I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
