I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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