does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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