I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
