either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
How drunk are you?
Completed.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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