i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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