i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Randomize
