I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize