Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
