You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
This gyro tastes like lonliness
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
