I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i think i just lost a toe
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
